Ramdom Tips about Marriage:

What all men are thinking! Ladies, remember before your were married and you “loved” watching sports? What happened to that all of the sudden? This year I decided to join a fantasy football league with my husband. He had a blast explaining to me how it works. Just the smile on his face alone was worth it. You could tell it made a positive impact on our relationship as well as giving us something to do together!

Get To Know Each Other Every Year!

Every year people change. So here is a list of questions to talk about on date night! You would be surprised how the answers change from year to year. Keep a list of them with the answers every time you go through it and compare your answers in 10 years. See how fun it will be to see how much you have both changed over the years! 

1. Tell me one thing that I did this past week that impressed you.

2. What is one thing you hope to accomplish in the next 5 years?

3. What is your favorite book of the Bible and why?

4. Name one person in your life that inspires you to become a better person.

5. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a husband/wife?

6. What makes you most fulfilled or happiest as a father/mother?

7. What are you looking forward to the most in the next year?

8. In what area of your spiritual walk would you like to improve on?

9. What do I do that pleases you the most physically?  

10. What was your very first impression of me?

11. If you weren’t in the profession you are now, what would be your dream profession and why?

12.  Name 3 qualities that attracted you to me when we first met?

13. What is you dream destination and why?

14. If your house were on fire and you had a chance to grab only 3 material items, what would they be?

15. If you could have witnessed any biblical event, which one would you choose?

16. What is the best way for me to encourage you when you are feeling down?

17. What are 3 essential values we want our children to embrace above all others?

18. What can we do as a couple to change the world we live in? 

19. What goals would you like us to accomplish in our marriage in the next 1, 5, and 10 years?

20. Whose marriage do you most consider to be a model marriage and why?

21. With so many marriages failing, what steps can you and I take to ensure that we stay close as a couple physically, emotionally and spiritually?

22. I like it best when you refer to me as ________.

23. The song that always makes me think of you is ______.

24. My favorite memory of our wedding day is _________.

25. I laugh every time I think of you doing ___________.

26. If you had a chance to jump out of a plane or bungee jump, which one would you choose?

27. What is your idea of a truly romantic evening?

28. What is one thing you want to do before you die?

29. What is one thing that might spice up our love life?

30. In our marriage, which do you think we need more of?  Kindness, quality time, or intimacy?

So HE does this…and SHE does that…

But what about what you do? I ran a poll on what are the most annoying fights that come up in a marriage, here’s what I got: finances, religious views, parenting and lack of communication (that’s actually a big one)

BUT when I asked what kind of exercises or advice have you tried to get the spark back into your marriage, I reviewed an insane amount of answers including a weekend away WITHOUT the kids, sending sexy texts, leaving love notes around, dressing up and wearing makeup, role play, holding hands, looking into each others eyes when talking or even arguing, cooking a favorite meal for your significant other, not going to bed angry, complimenting and encouraging each other, having lunch dates if you work in local cities, surprise your significant other at work (men, always bring flowers, every woman wants her man to storm in their with flowers and make every girl drool with jealousy) BUT my #1 favorite would have to be have each others passwords and bank account info. That one is really more of a safety measure. If you feel like you have to hide something from your spouse then your relationship is already headed down hill, AND FAST!

Always remember, an affair NEVER starts in the bedroom, but usually with a simple conversation. 

Here is what was astonishing to me, and please everyone take a moment and let me know your thoughts. Every issue people named, is easily drowned out by all of the things that CAN be done to fix a marriage. Yes, I said FIX a marriage. Falling out of love? B.S. take a whole week away. without anyone else and out of the state, come back and tell me if your still out of love. Everything else? The stress, overwhelmed from children (mine are only 1 year apart, talk about insanity) and all of the other little things can absolutely be fixed with little sweet gestures to show your lover that you care and you thought of them. A tiny gesture can change wonders of how your lover looks and feels about you. 

My Opinion: And remember, it’s simply my opinion. Make a list of the things that bother your about the other….and please…keep it fair…I don’t mean, “She doesn’t wake up with make up on.” I am talking more of things that really bug you. For instance, when together in the evenings NO PHONES and when your about to go to bed, go 30 minutes earlier and spend it talking and cuddling. No talking about work, kids, or money! Each of you should have your list that the other made. Now forget what you gave your partner, simply work on yourself. mistakes will happen. The trash may not always be out and the moment you felt it should be, but it might be done a lot sooner then it usually is. The purpose of this exercise is to learn about each other, like I said, we change as humans all of the time! So keep it simple. Take our lists and work on yourselves. When your partner sees you making the effort, they will be motivated to do the same. 

DISCLAIMER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNATTRACTIVE ABOUT GOING TO BED WITH YOUR TEETH UNBRUSHED AND YOUR BREATH SMELLING FRESH. TRUST ME, IT MAKES CUDDLE TIME MUCH FUNNER! MAY EVEN LEAD TO MORE ;)

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT AND LET ME KNOW HOW THIS GOES! 

26 Questions to Get a Marriage Talking

1. What things did you see in this person that made you want to marry him?
2. What were your goals for your marriage when you were engaged?
3. What things in your marriage make you sad?
4. What things in your marriage make you happy?
5. If you could press a button and change your marriage, how would it change?
6. In what ways do you think God is honored in your marriage?
7. How would you characterize your communication with your spouse?
8. Describe how you and your spouse arrive at decisions.
9. Describe how you as a couple resolve conflicts.
10. How would you describe your spiritual life as a couple?
11. Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages?
12. Why do you think you have struggled as a couple?
13. What do you see as the strengths in your marriage?
14. What do you see as the weaknesses in your marriage?
15. What do you think you need to do as a couple to get from where you are to where you need to be?
16. Describe the marriage of your dreams.
17. What could your spouse do to greatly change you marriage?
18. What problems in your marriage do you see as your responsibility?
19. What do you think God is doing in your marriage right now?
20. What do you think keeps you as a couple from solving your problems?
21. Describe how your marriage has changed over the years.
22. When you are hurt or angry with your spouse, what do you do?
23. How do you communicate dissatisfaction with your spouse?
24. Pick one area of your marriage where you think you have problems. Describe what is wrong and what each of you have done to solve it.
25. In what ways have you attempted to communicate love and appreciation to your spouse?
26. What are the biggest hot buttons in your marriage

Our First Exercise: Who Are You Again?

So 2 weeks ago we drove down to my in-laws to drop my children off so we can attend a wedding the next day. The drive up was pretty blah. My husband drove. I can tell he was pretty annoyed or irritated. I wasn’t sure if something was bothering him or if he was just in one of his moods. Later that evening, I recalled him making a snark remark under his breath, something along the lines of, “You were just on your phone the whole way up to my parents.” Which was accurate. SO, when we went to pick up the kids a couple of days later, I switched up a little. I took out my phone and as soon as I did that he turned on the music. I quickly interrupted him and told him not to get too into the song because I am just pulling out some questions for us to talk about. I used the questions I posted on an earlier blog about getting to know each other every year. He almost looked shocked. It was like being in the car with a whole new person.His whole demeanor changed within a second! We only got up until question 12 in that hour, but we had an amazing conversation and so many great laughs. Now those are the memories I want to build with my man. We even ended up stopping for a little shopping on the way up before picking up the kids. I am so glad I tried it and I hope everyone else does too! A little sure does go a long way sometimes!

21 Days to a Better Sex Life - Getting into the Habit of Saying Yes! ;}

When you get in the habit of not making love for weeks, that becomes your default.

But while it’s good to refuse your kids Cheetos, refusing sex makes marriage kinda blah. And distant. And boring.Why not work at developing a habit of saying “yes”? After all, sex isn’t just for him – there are plenty sex benefits for you, too! It feels great (and if it doesn’t, I’ve got lots here that can help). It helps you sleep. And it bonds you together.Now researchers say it takes 21 days to develop a new habit. It has to naturally flow into your schedule. And many of us have evening schedules where sex doesn’t naturally flow.Maybe after dinner you both scatter on your different computers, and then you go to bed at different times. Maybe he plays video games and you check Facebook, until one of you turns in. But if you’re going to make sex a “good” habit, it has to fit in naturally. So here are some thoughts to make that a reality:

1. Connect Early in the Evening

Sometime after dinner, connect by sharing your hearts and concerns. Go for a walk or a hike. Do dishes together. Do some activity during which you can unload some of the burden of today, so that it’s not impeding your ability to enjoy making love later.

2. Take “Me” Time During the Day

We all need time just for “me”–time when we don’t have to work, when we can relax without the kids, when we can do our hobbies. Try to find that during the day, maybe over the lunch hour at work, or during naptime with the kids. You can even tell the kids that they need a quiet time from 4-5, for instance–when they play in their rooms so that you can relax, too. That way you won’t need to take that “me” time at night.

3. Decide What Time You’ll Switch off Technology

Instead of spending your time on screens all night, decide together that you’ll switch off at 9:30 or 10, for instance.  Having this “cut off” rule, no matter what, will spur conversation (or better yet, cuddling) between the two of you.

4. Head to Bed Together

Go to bed together, at least eight hours before you have to be up the next morning. That way you have time to cuddle, to talk in bed, and to reach for each other.Instead of always asking yourself, “do I want to tonight?”–because the answer will likely be no–ask yourself, “Do I have a really good reason to say no?” Make the expectation that you will say yes, not no. Then set up your schedule so that you’ll be together at night.And presto!  21 Days to a Better Sex Life isn’t about following rules, it’s about creating a new habit.  

By: Sheila Wray Gregoire

Do I love him? or am I IN love with him?

There is a big difference from loving your spouse in terms of, “I care for my spouse.” and loving them in a way that you are excited about them. Love is not a feeling. It is a verb that needs to be shown through actions.

If you can’t distinguish the difference between loving, and being in love, then ask yourself one simple question, “What 5 gestures have I made this past week to show my spouse that I love them and that I am still excited about them?”

I best most people can barely think of 1, if any. Start a new week. Write down 5 small gestures you want to do for your spouse this week on a little post it and keep it with you for reminder.

Now: Watch the change start to happen.

Going out on a date night? Put ur phone down and try these out!

Just when you think you’ve come to know all there is to know about someone, you’ll find out that you’re just getting started! Marriage is a lifelong journey of discovery and communication is the only way to continue growing in your discovery of one another. Below are some questions that should start some great conversations! Turn off your phones and TV and ask your spouse these questions. I guarantee that you’ll both end up discovering something new!

1. If there was a movie about your life, what songs would you want on the soundtrack?

2. In that movie, what actor (past or present) would you want to play you?

3. If you could have named yourself, what name would you have chosen?

4. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

5. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

6. What was your biggest fear when you were a child?

7. What is your biggest fear now?

8. Besides our wedding and the day kids were born, what is your all-time favorite day?

9. What would you do with the money if we won the lottery?

10. What would you do tomorrow if you lost your job and money and we had to start over?

11. When you were a kid, who was your biggest hero?

12. Who is your biggest hero today?

13. What is your greatest regret?

14. What is one thing you’d like to accomplish by this time next year?

15. If you won a free vacation to any place on earth, where would you want to go?

16. What was your first nickname?

17. What is your earliest childhood memory?

18. What was the moment when you laughed harder than you’ve ever laughed?

19. If you could write one new law that everyone had to obey, what law would you create?

20. What’s a new hobby you’d like to try out?

21. Besides marrying me…what’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to you? 

How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

1. I can name my partner’s best friends.
Yes
No
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
Yes
No
3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
Yes
No
4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams.
Yes
No
5. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life.
Yes
No
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
Yes
No
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
Yes
No
8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner.
Yes
No
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
Yes
No
10. My partner really respects me.
Yes
No
11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.
Yes
No
12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship.
Yes
No
13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.
Yes
No
14. My partner generally likes my personality.
Yes
No
15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
Yes
No
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
Yes
No
17. My partner is one of my best friends.
Yes
No
18. We just love talking to each other.
Yes
No
19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.
Yes
No
20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.
Yes
No
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
Yes
No
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
Yes
No

Where does Respect in a Relationship Begin?

Respect for Yourself

It begins with a deep and abiding love of yourself and respect for you and all that you are…and for some people, this can be difficult…
It starts with self-care and actually knowing what you want in life. ..
It is a deep acknowledgement of the past that you might have had…and realizing that even if it was difficult…that you are here now…
It is about knowing your own boundaries and where to draw the line. If you don’t have a good system of boundaries to protect you, then you won’t know when someone is crossing that invisible line…and you do need to know…
It is being able to look into a mirror and feeling good and proud of the image that you see looking back at you…
It is recognizing that you have responsibility for your own life…
Respect for Your Partner
No name calling or ridiculing
Listening while they have their say…give them the space to do that…
Acknowledging and respecting the other’s personal boundaries
Letting go of criticism and belittling
When you have respect for your partner, there is an abiding love that is bigger than the romantic love that we see on the Hollywood screen. There is a deep caring for the wellbeing of the other, physically, emotionally and financially.

When you have respect, you want to see your partner succeed.

When you have respect, you have trust and that is a beautiful thing.

What Does Respect Look Like in a Relationship?
Making important decisions together
Financial fidelity
Emotional and physical fidelity
Keeping your word and promises to the relationship
Honoring your dreams and those of your partner
…and more…

Yes.

It all comes down to this…how do you feel when you are with the other person? Do you feel that you are respected? Do you feel that you respect your partner? Talk with your partner and see how they feel. If the answer is yes…wonderful! Keep doing what you are doing!

If the answer is no…then there is some work to do…isn’t there…because the bottom line is this…we all deserve to have respect…both for ourselves and for our partner…and most definitely for the relationship. Respect is like a fertile plot of land with deep, dark and rich soil…when you have it, love can flourish. If you don’t have respect, then your relationship is built on a rocky, thorny piece of ground with poor soil and it will have difficulty growing and blossoming…

“Drive your own life…you deserve to, don’t you?” Sherie Venner